Chronicle of Depression, Part 4: Everything is OK

"How are you doing today?"
"How's it going?"
"What's up?"

I have cookie cutter answers to all of these questions. We all do. Main reason being that the real answer would be so complex that we'd just stand and talk for hours and eventually start crying on each others' shoulders like some twisted support group, either that or someone would get dropped like Cain dropped Abel.

At the moment, my honest answer would go something like this:

"Well, I'm stuck in a shit job. I mean, the pay is decent, benefits are good, but all the rungs on the corporate ladder have been removed. My job performance has been lacking, mostly on purpose. A lateral move within the company is nearly impossible. My voice of reason is daily drowned out by company rhetoric. The stress I deal with on a daily basis on the job is relative to being an ambassador between a spoiled, screaming 3-year -old and its super rich and oblivious parent. I can't find a different, less stressful job with the same benefits. I regret not going to college, even though I'm fairly certain it would have been a waste of time and money as almost all of my peers who have finished college are in jobs where their degree means nothing. I'm dealing with burnout and depression and possibly a more serious mental illness while my diet consists of coffee, cigarettes and fast food. I feel guilty for feeling down because it seems like I'm being selfish about my petty problems. I successfully keep up a false aura of  happiness toward my co-workers, family, and friends. I'm afraid to share my true thoughts and feelings because I'm almost certain I'd be dragged kicking and screaming into a mental ward. Other than that festering bag of self-loathing bullshit, flipping fantastic. How are you?"

I eat emo kids for breakfast.

P.S. My safe zone is home. There are no domestic issues. My wife is my anchor and my child is my light. I'm getting better every day. I've figured out that my job is what is killing me. Unfortunately, it's not something that's going to be easy to fix. The only coworkers that care are powerless to change anything. I'm just going to have to suck it up for a while. I have my crutches (caffeine and nicotine). It may be poison, but at least it's not alcohol and narcotics.